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Posted in General Articles
by Ali Page
on 8/23/2008
I often do things to please people. If everybody
is happy with me, then they like me, and who doesn't want that in life? (To be
liked, I mean) I had gotten myself to a place in life where I didn't realize
this is what I had become.
"How could not going to church be the right
thing, God? What will people think?" These are the hysterical, insecure
thoughts I was having about a week and a half ago. I confessed these things, at first
with hesitancy and trepidation to my team. My 4 girls walked through part of
this issue with me that morning with complete acceptance. This all went down right
before we had to leave for church, but I sat on the floor (of our small 30 x 20
room me and my team mates call home for the month) "double-pumpin it." This
means crying so hard that you gasp for air two times in a row and all the
tissue in Nicaragua can't hold back the flood of snot and tears.
"What the heck is goin? What is wrong with me?"
I thought. In that moment - I knew going to church wouldn't be wouldn't be the
answer. God wanted me here, I was onto something.
My team mates left for church, understanding
completeley and encouraging me to get alone with God and be real with Him. They
also advised me to go do something I like to do.
I sat alone on the floor, in a puddle of my tears,
in my small living space. "Okay Lord, Do you want me to read my bible and sit
hear wallowing in my own uncertainty?"I knew this was THE time to let go of
sweet-sugar-coated prayer. I needed to share my rotteness and dirt with God. I usually try to be polite and sweet with God and others. I guess I thought that
was what He wanted, respect and fear and always a level of niceness. I was
wrong...
There was no way I could do what I needed to do
inside my room. Our living courters is next to the kitchen and I didn't want
anyone to hear what was about to happen. (Besides, I most often connect with God
outside through some kind of adventure). I felt Lake Nicaragua calling my name.
(The biggest Lake in Central America).
SO I grabbed a towel and confidently headed out
for the 2 minute walk. I slipped down the steep hill to the water. I tromped
out into the water. I was expecting to swim out far, to gain privacy.But as I
walked out....I waded and waded, and walked and walked until Cicrin
Orphanage was barely visible. The water was only up to my sholders and I was standing with my feet on the bottom.
Here I am thousands of miles away from home in
the middle of a gi-normous lake and I choose to let God, "plow up the hard parts
of my heart" here. (Hosea 10:12) Suddenly I stood still , looking out at the
endless waves, allowing the refreshing waters to envelop me and I let loose. I
yelled and screamed and cried out the pain and anguish I had, to God. I thought
I had given up all my rights the morning I boarded my flight out of the US. I
thought I had given all I had and sacrificed everything in Mexico last month.
How much more God? How much of me do you want? And of course I already knew the
answer...everything. He wants everything. I cried a fury over this.
I want to
give the Lord everything - it should belong to Him anyway, not me. Independance
is an awful thing to try and be. ¨Being my follower is not trying to be like
Jesus, it means for your independence to be killed.¨ (a qoute from The Shack by William P. Young)
But when I thought what this
meant.....this means goodbye to ALL my desires and expectations and REALLY meaning
it. This means allowing the Lord to shed light in all the darkest parts of my
heart that I didnt evwn knew existed. I stood there and after about an hour and the
crying ceased. Silence consumed me - not peace, but silence. I looked at the
waves and ripples of the water that were never ending. The Lord was
saying, "I have more thoughts of you
than there are ripples in this Lake." So I worshipped the God that loves me as
I am. I sang praises amidst my suffering. It hurts to be stripped of who you
thought you were and it is quite scary.
I left the beach and began journaling my
experiance. What a sight I must have been that day! Drenched in lake water,
red eyes, and sunburned (from standing in the lake for an hour and a half) and
feeling pretty much like a greasy, mushy, wad of messiness. As I journaled on
how ugly I felt, the Lord very clearly said...."Beautiful!"
Are you kidding me? Wait wait, hold the phone.
God, surely you dont mean it? I am not beautiful in this moment. I am still
angry, confused, and a disheveled mess, how is THIS, how am I beautiful ? And
then He flipped a lightbulb on in my head...and "Ah-HA!!!!" The Lord that
created me rather have me in this state of raw, naked, rough, ridiculous, and realness
- than sitting pretty in church with a forced smile on my face, thinking of
ways to please Him and other people. Realness is beautiful to Him, which is
funny because I felt incredibly ugly and exhausted. HE sees beauty in my
"ugliness" because it IS REAL. And Why? Why? This is uncomfortable and
vulnerable with no make-up to hide behind and not enough energy to fake a smile.
Because He is drawing me in closer to where I belong. I realize fully that it
doesn't make much sense as to why I'm dealing with this thousands of miles away
from home on an island where I am supposed to be ministering to others, but he
is ministering to me...all because he is faithful.
¨Get to the end of yourself where you can do
nothing, but where He does everything.¨ Oswald Chambers
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Posted in General Articles
by Ali Page
on 8/16/2008
Eyeshadow, nailpolish, and lipstick. These are things the girls who live here at Cicrin orphanage are not permitted to wear. Upon asking, we were granted special permission from the director Helen, to have a "Girls Night."
The 15 girls had been told there was a special surprise for them. After finishing supper, Team 5 Alive and the 15 girls headed up to the house where they sleep,( about 4 to a room). They had gotten their hands on a CD player from somewhere else on the property and a country music CD. Squeals of delight erupted as we cranked up the music, and pulled out cookies and make up from bags we had been hiding from them. We danced and laughed. We did all the things little girls should experience at a fun party. My team and I began applying make-up to the most beautiful little faces, and one by one they lined up for their turn. What a delight it was to tell each little girl how beautiful she was, and giggle with them after each layer of hot pink and lime green eyeshadow was applied. It wasn't long before the 10 year olds began putting make-up on the 3 year olds. Girls began posing to have their glamour shots taken by us. The teenagers gave team 5 Alive a makeover that we won't soon forget. As we left the girls house to walk the 2 minutes down to our room, we felt fulfilled. This had been a successful night of fun, that we had planned and carried out. It had been more than we expected.
Our glamorous make over!
Cindy and Julietta doing nail polish!
This is Cindy, didnt I do a good job with the eyeshadow??
Christian doing Dulce´s eye liner, Looks dangerous, eh?
I felt it appropriate to write about this particular night of "ministry" because I had an "Ah-ha" moment this week regarding my beauty in God. It is difficult to articulate when something so big is going down in my life so please bare with me as I attempt to explain something God is doing in my life....
To be continued...
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Posted in General Articles
by Ali Page
on 8/9/2008
´´We must make sure our human flesh is kept in perfect submission to Him, allowing Him to work through it moment by moment. Are we living at such a level of human independence upon Jesus Christ that His life is being exhibited moment by moment in us?´´ Oswald Chambers
This is a picture that my talented team-mate Natalie Montgomery snapped on our last day off. I am glad she did. And I am glad that we saw this boat, because Jesus used this image in a vision today.
Here is a portion of my special conversation I had with the Lord while praying in my journal this morning:
´´Dependence on you - no longer up to me to decide what is good or evil by my standards. No longer up to me to control my life, or relationships - even memories must belong to you. I believe you want me to come to you in silence and listen. Here I am Father, Here I am. ´´
God´s reply:
Love me, Let go, I desire more, Alison. I desire all. Stop trying so hard and just do it.
´´I will obey.´´
Will you?
´´I want to Jesus, but it seems ridiculous and impossible and I don´t know what the next step is.´´
Next I recieved a vision:
´´So I see a boat, like the one we saw at the beach . You are asking me to put eveything that belongs to you, that I shouldn´t have, in it. What do you want me to put in that boat, Lord?´´
Get in.
´´I´m in.´´
Listen to me. I know what you are dealing with, Alison and it isn´t too big for me.
I have packet of index cards on a metal spiral that I keep with me. They have my favortie verses written on them and special messages written on them from family and friends back home. I have had it open to the message my sister wrote for days, keeping it for a special time top read.... but I just now read it this morning.
´´Ali, God is good. So, so good. He is your all - Protector, Healer, Helper, Comforter, Strength, Solice, Joy, and Father. All you need is found ion Him. This adventure is going to be a year to find your dependence on Christ. Lean on Him - trust Him. He is all your heart is longing for. Love Rachel´´
Oh, Rachel, how right you are!!!
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Posted in General Articles
by Ali Page
on 8/2/2008
Ometepe, Nicaragua
(Titanic Pose - on the ferry to the island!)
I miss home a lot this week. I am sure it has something to do with where we are working. The Cicrin Orphanage on Ometepe Island is a home for 31 children and young adults, that were removed from their homes for various reasons. It is beautiful here, but primitive. There is a lot about this place that makes my heart hurt ( even after the short 3 full days we have been here), especially for my family in Colorado.
These children must grow up without mom and dad. They must go into the world with what they were given, and I praise Jesus they are at a place where they are loved, provided for, and taught about the love of Jesus. My heart just breaks as I look into the eyes of a 3 year old who can´t call someone mommy or daddy.
My little amigo, Andy has been at Cicrin for a short 3 months. He is 3 years old and loves to laugh, hug, cause a little mischeif, and call my name ¨ALLY-son!! ALLY-son!´´ I eat with him, play with him, put him to bed, and love him. As I was putting him to bed the other night, he cried and cried. He wanted so badly to be held, and I could not bare to put him down. So I held him and held him.
I remember being held by my mom a lot when I was his age. She would rock me in an old wooden rocking chair we had in my room. I have that memory now as a 23 year old. I will never ever forget being held and loved. Andy won´t have memories of a loving mother or father. He has been dealt a different and difficult hand.
Be praying this month that I will know how to love these children and be a mirror of God for them. Pray that the Lord will use my team, 5 Alive to be a light for Jesus.
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Posted in General Articles
by Ali Page
on 7/24/2008
Antigua Guatemala.
I love it here. A romantic city with cobble stone streets, grass growing on the aging terra cotta shingle roofs; brilliant buildings with bold colors line the streets. Red, blue, orange, yellow - each store is a brighter color. This city has a European style that is hard not to love. The quaint cafés are comfortable. Volcanoes and rolling green mountains surround the city. The sights and sounds are lovely and fun to take in. Yet....The poverty here doesn't demand attention and apparently it is easy to miss - if you choose not to look.
Yesterday, (our first day here) as us world racers were getting acquainted and falling in love with the beauty of Antiqua, I stepped out of myself for a moment and saw the American and European tourists. I saw them looking for more treasures to cram in their suitcases that will most likely go on a forgotten shelf and collect dust. I look down to the sidewalk. There, sitting on the concrete I saw the local homeless Guatemalans sitting alone, maybe with children. They are wearing tattered but beautiful traditional clothing, The women have long ropes of hair gathered in braids that fall down to their hips. As they sit they look so very alone, gripping their dirty children to their chests.
As I shift my gaze up to all the tourists I noticed something horrifically wrong. They go from store to store buying tee-shirts and snapping pictures…..all the while ignoring the people that sit on the pavement day in and day out with no where to go. Why? Why did I find myself in this position?
Poverty is uncomfortable, and it is easy to ignore.
Yesterday I found myself having a tourist mindset, (as we are here to debreif and just process this last month.) But, I am not a tourist. I am a missionary. I have no money to spend anyway, automatically disqualifying me from the tourist label. Though I cannot speak the language, I can prove that I care, and I can look into their eyes and ask them their name.
Yesterday, a woman named Manuela sat alone. She looked about 90 years old. She is very small, and looks so alone that once you look at her, it is unconceivable how people could miss her. Wrapped in a filthy pink sweater, arms folded clutching her sides, determined not to look up, most likely fearing to see all the rich people that walk by her. I am sure she feels invisible. I thought, "if Jesus were here, he would run to her, and embrace her with a hug she has never felt. He would place his hands on her head and heal her throbbing headaches and restore her health, her hacking cough would be no more. He would ask her to dance.
The Lord placed his supernatural love for her in my heart. At that moment, I marched across the street, past the tourists and sat down next to her and looked into her foggy gray eyes. After a few moments of speaking with her and praying with her, I knew I needed more people to pray with me. I gathered 5 other World Racers. We kneeled around her on the sidewalk, and prayed with her.
One of the World Racers who was watching our backs while we prayed told us later, that as we were praying for Manuela, tourists and locals alike stopped in their tracks, dropped their jaws, in disbelief.
I hope that while God was meeting with Manuela through us he was meeting with others on a bustling Guatemalan street, who would have never seen this old women before.
I hope they saw what they didn't see before.
I hope they see taking a risk that feels uncomfortable is just what the Lord asks of all of us.
As Jesus said:
".....Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me-you did it to me."
Matthew 25:40 The Message
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Posted in General Articles
by Ali Page
on 7/20/2008
This morning was our last time at Iglesia Salim. We said our goodbyes to them, tomorrow we pack and make our arrangements to Race to Guatemala on Tuesday (P.S. Team 5 Alive is going to bring it, so other teams prepare for defeat). We will spend under a week in Antigua debriefing with our coaches Seth and Karen Barnes, and then Team 5 Alive is officially off to Ometepe, Nicaraugua...a small island (with an active volcano) in Lake Nicaragua to do ministry at an orphanage for 5 approximatley weeks. Here is a blog a previous racer wrote about the orphanage we are going to
Here are some things that happened this past month (aside from ministry) you may not know about, but I have pictures to explain the events better....
1. Our host (Eleazer) has 2 dogs that killed an iguana, and he suprised me with it by putting its carcass on our kitchen floor....it was gross ( I dont have pictures of the tarantulas or frogs that plague us at night!)
2. 5-Alive attempted to visit the famous Palenque Mayan Ruins, but due to a massive down pour of rain we spent less than 15 mintues there...10 of which were spent in an ancient Mayan palace/tomb sheltering ourselves from the monsoon.
Faking a smile, because it was hot and rainy, sweaty and soaking wet
3. Visited "Agua Azul." A local spot with beautiful water falls!
Talk to you in Guatemala!
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Posted in General Articles
by Ali Page
on 7/16/2008
I am broken. Totally broken. I am striving to live the life God wants for me, I want what He wants. It doesn't always make since.
In times of brokeness, God wants us to run to Him, just as we are. He wants us to cry out to Him and tell Him our pain. It hurts, it's awful. I don't have many answers right now, but here is what I DO know:
1. God is who He says He is. 
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things through Chirst.
5. God's word is alive and active in me.
-Walk by Faith
-Die To Self
-Be Desperate and Dependent on Him
"God is my Father, He loves me, and I will never think of anything that He will forget, so why should I worry? Jesus said there are times when God cannot lift the darkness from you, but you should trust Him. At times God will appear like an unkind friend, but He is not. He will appear like an unnatural Father, but He is not. He will appear like an unjust judge, but He is not. Keep the thought that the mind of God is behind all things strong and growing. Not even the smallest detail of life happens unless God's will is behind it. Therefore, you can rest in perfect confidence in Him. " Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest" July 16
"The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
"God is our refuge and strength an ever-present help in trouble. " Psalm 46:1
"Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be so hard. I'm going back to the start"
Coldplay X & Y, "Fix You"
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Posted in General Articles
by Ali Page
on 7/12/2008
Hard to believe we only have 10 more days in Mexico. Then racing to Guatemala.
This morning 5 Alive was given an awesome opportunity to join our hosts
(Eleazar and Marta) to go visit a nearby village. A bumby twisty turvy 30 minute ride in the back of Eleazer's white pickup truck got us right to Estella de Bethel (Star of Bethlemhem).
Immediately upon arriving, curious faces of all ages began popping out of windows, doorways, and out from behind shacks (that they call their homes). They were excited that the gringo muchacha's had come to visit with Eleazer. We arrived at a beautiful church. It was by far the nicest building in the whole town…I am quite sure this was an intentional effort.
Within 10 minutes the church was full of children, women, and a few old men. (The fathers and husbands were somewhere working?) Close to 100 people came, and they didn't even know we were coming…it was a surprise visit. As soon as everyone was settled on benches and chairs (all women on one side of the church and men on the other, is the custom here) Eleazer cleared his voice and began speaking Spanish and a dialect of Myan with a name I cannot remember. He introduced team 5 Alive one by one. We than taught them a song in Spanish we quickly learned this morning about God's greatness and is accompanied with fun hand motions. Following the song we did a skit. And handed out snacks. And then I "preached." This was last minute as we were not prepared to preach and had not been asked until this moment. I told them the simple version of the starfish story and ended by telling them God wants greatness for each of them and it is available to them just as they are, there is nothing they have to do but ask and be willing. Following the message, Eleazer asked for people to come up who wanted healing for their ailments. Around ten woman and children came forward for prayer. It was amazing to call on the spirit for these people. We will see what God does in His power and might! WE also visited a woman's home, where 4 other families live. She had given birth to twins 8 days ago, in addition to her 5 other children.
This was a blessed day for team 5 Alive and the village of the Star of Bethlehem!
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Posted in General Articles
by Ali Page
on 7/10/2008
We arrive to the church where 5 Alive and fellow squad members Kiatera will be working the next two weeks. It is obvious the locals are excited to see us arriving. The language barrier is an immediate frustration, as 2 maybe 3 on my squad of 31 can speak Spanish. Immediately, each of us are greeted with a friendly handshake by the leaders of the church, their wives, and their numerous amounts of children. The building is small. If one could even call it a building.  The walls are sheet metal, the pews are plastic lawn chairs, the floor is cement, the lighting are light bulbs on a string of extension cord. There is no door, just open air. About 50 chairs are lined up in rows. It looked like a condemed building, not a church building. Iglesia Salem is a church made of a body of believers who love the Lord passionatley, in a way I've never seen. The building is not a reflection of the body.
Although we cannot express our excitement in words, the nervous eager energy is obvious among everyone (as this is our first night we meet the people we will be working for the next 2 weeks). Our squad leader Stephanie Fisk began conversing in Spanish with Pastor Noe Nunez. She looks at us and explains he wants one of us to preach. Although 3 on the squad were prepared to give testimonies, we were quite unsure about preaching. One of us volunteered.
We take our seats along with the locals, as Pastor Noe and another man go up front and strap there guitars to there chests. This church is poor, but they do have amplifiers and speakers.....big ones. An explosion of Mexican worship music bursts forth. Immediately the congregation of locals begin clapping with great vigor. The expression of worship to the Lord is inspiring.
It is an odd feeling worshipping God to music were the words are unknown to you and everyone around you is screaming the lyrics with spiratic “Alleluia!” and “Gloria Dios!!” and “Gracias Senor Cristo!!” They played for about 45 minutes. I want to express the difficulty to worship and sing if you don’t 1. know the words 2. can’t speak the language. My hands began to sting by this time from clapping to the music. I guess the locals can handle it as the do this often. When the music ceased ,Pastor Noe un-strapped his guitar, his face red, his shirt soaked with sweat from praising the Lord so passionately. He began to speak rapidly in his language. I can pick up on a word here and there. I realized he was saying we were about to pray. He closed his eyes and began speaking loudly to God. Then everyone started yelling. In America when the pastor prays, we bow our heads and politely listen and pray silently along. This is not how Mexicans do it. They all cry out their prayers together. It boggles my mind how God can hear 50 different people crying out prayers in 2 languages and hears each one fully! This went on for about 5 minutes. My white friends and I quickly ran out of words after about 30 seconds, (maybe we were self conscience and just unsure about the concept).
The prayer time ended. Then 3 of my friends shared their testimonies and one preached. The messages wers short. It take twice as much time to speak because the translator has to repeat. Then we sang again. The service lasted close to 3 hours. At one point I thought the service was over because the locals were shaking our hands, saying something in Spanish. So I said "Mucho Gusto" to all of them…that means nice to meet you. After they stopped shaking our hands my team member, Sara whispered to me, “Ali, they aren’t coming around to meet us, there are saying, “Peace be with you.” Ooops!
After the service did end, they fed us tamlamles and orange sodas, Which was so humbling! We are here to work for them and help them, and the fed us!
The next night we walked around the neighborhood surrounding the church to meet the people who live there and begin forming relationships. We also invited them to a church service. I am slowly learning more Spanish, which will make this much easier! I know the next week and a half will be fruitful for us World Racers and for Iglesia Salim. Thank you for all your prayers, please continue them!
P.S. I thought I had a skin infection...turns out after a visit to the doctor, just hundrends of mosquitos bites all over my body. Apparently DEET has the oppostie affect in Palenque. Don't worry I am sleeping in my tent now, to prevent further bites.
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Posted in General Articles
by Ali Page
on 7/7/2008
Training is officially over. Our coaches have left, or World Race (WR) coordinators have left and it has been an amazing week. We officially begin our ministry tonight in Pelenque, Mexico at a local church. (More on that later!) My team 5 Alive will be staying at Shekinah Bible School for 2 more weeks.
The last evening our coaches were here, we had a powerful squad meeting. WE spent time worshipping the Lord and listening to Him. During that time a friend shared a story that deeply moved me and spoke right to the center of my heart. I will never forget it;
A boy and his father were walking on the beach. It was the little boy´s first time to the beach. HE was enthrolled by all the new things to see and touch there! He started to gather seashells, most of them broken. The little boy was so excited with his treasures and gathered as many as he could cram into his little fists. He knew they were special and beautiful. The father smiled as his son extactically showed him the seashells.
They continued to walk up the shore aways, the boy stil clenching his treasures. As they looked out to the shore they discovered something....a starfish! The little by was even more excited than before. He looked up to his dad for permission to go reteive it. The father said, ¨Yes son! Go get it!¨ AS the boy approached the starfish his smiling face began to cry out in frustration! Unable to grasp the starfish he went back to his father sobbing loudly, barely able to breathe! The father encuoraged him and told him to try again. The boy, walking relunctantly towards the shore suddenly realized something. He must drop the shells in his hands to get the starfish.
 The seashells were not bad for the boy, they were good. But...they were not best. God wants best for his children, not just good. Each of us are made for greatness. Ask Him what the broken shells are that you are clenching on to. Ask Him to clarify, it is worth it.
After this story was shared with me, another dear friend wanted to encourage me further. Her mother and her love the beach and before she left for the World Race she was given a silver starfish necklace. Tara Stephenson reached up to her neck and unfastened this necklace she has not taken off since we left. The precious necklace was given to me to wear on loan, so that everytime I touch it or see it nI will be reminded not to keep the shells, and pray for the starfish.
¨The Lord your God is with you He is mighty to save. HE will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.¨ Zephaniah 3:17
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